


Love or Justice?

by BurningMartian, Toshi_Nama



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningMartian/pseuds/BurningMartian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toshi_Nama/pseuds/Toshi_Nama
Summary: Sabah seeks out Felix, a desperate attempt to free both Anders and Justice.*Trigger warning* Anders and Sabah do not have a healthy relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

    Sabah grabbed her hastily-packed sack, and hurried down the stairs, Varric’s note still clenched in her hand.

    “Mistress Hawke?”  Bodhan’s startled voice was louder than he probably meant.

    “It’s fine, Bodhan.  I need to go, for a few weeks.  There’s plenty in the household accounts.  Just...don’t let Anders drain them entirely again.”  She sighed.  There was no way Bodhan could stand up to him, when even she didn’t.  “Talk to Varric, and he’ll get you what you need.”

    “Does...does _he_ know you’re leaving?”

    She ignored the question.  “As soon as I’ve gotten to Ferelden, I’ll send a letter so you know where to forward anything.”  She’d left the note for Anders upstairs.  He may not notice for a few days...which meant he may get upset.  She had to tell Bodhan.  “There’s a note for him in our room, if he asks.”  She smiled brittly at his worried look, kissed him on the cheek, then tightened the sticky buckle on her armor.  “I’ll be fine, everything will be fine.  Encourage Oranna to spend time out and about - she’s got a lovely voice, and might enjoy trying something new.”  With that, she clattered out, cloak tucked into the pack strap.

    On the ship, she took another look at Varric’s note.

    _‘Hawke_

_Even Daisy can see he’s getting worse.  Talk to the Warden-Commander, maybe he can give you some advice.  Or ideas.  Anders is technically his problem anyway.  He travels a lot, but checks in at Vigil’s Keep every so often.  I’ll mind the store here, the Dolphin leaves tomorrow with the afternoon tide._

_Oh, and good luck.  Take care of yourself this time, huh?  You don’t have anyone watching your back.  He’s...not exactly safe to piss off._

_Varric’_

    She ignored the last.  Based on her experience, very few were safe to ‘piss off.’  Besides, she wasn’t trying to do that - she just needed to find a way to help Anders be free of Justice, so he could go back to the man she loved, the one he said he wanted to be, when they were alone.


	2. Chapter 2

The afternoon sun was beating down with a particular intensity on the western wing of Lord Marwen Highfield’s manor. A single rod of golden pierced through to the dining room where two men were sat around the table, a platter of pork between them.

Felix Amell bit into a side of meat, tearing at it with animalistic vigor. “You should really try some of this meat, my lord Highfield. It really is the most exquisite stuff.”

Lord Highfield’s response was a whimper of pain, his mouth flowing profusely with blood where Felix had cut out his tongue.

“I suppose everyone’s a critic.” Felix ripped off another chunk, then slapped the noble lord on the side of his head, sending him rolling to a corner.

“It was a simple enough task. Find any clues as to the whereabouts of my raven haired companion through the Blight. But all your leads went up in smoke, didn’t they? You couldn't even get this right. So what use is that tongue of yours if it couldn't serve yours truly?” Felix paced, hand frantically twirling at the rosewood ring on his finger. How long had it been since  _ his _ Morrigan had left him behind. He had promised to find her, but after all these years, he was no closer. Sometimes, doubt creeped into his mind, but he quickly banished it. He was Felix Amell. There was nothing he could not do.

An infantryman who had accompanied him peeped in, knees shaking. “A woman here to see you, Sire-"

“What is it she wants?”

“She refused to talk to anyone but you, Sire. It’s a dark haired woman-"

_ Dark hair?  _ Felix's heart leapt to his throat.

“-with ice blue eyes.”

He growled in frustration, and the soldier nearly collapsed backwards. Then he sighed.

“Send her in.”

“What about Highfield, sire?”

Felix glanced at the still supine noble on the floor. He had forgotten he lay there. Was he not dead yet? No matter, he would bleed to death soon enough. Not his problem anymore.

“What about him? My patience runs dry, soldier. Send the woman in.”

The man squeaked and ran out to fetch his mystery guest. Felix sat back on the chair, and tried to soothe the killing aura so obviously dripping off his person. Unsuccessfully. He growled again and sat back. This had better be worth his time.

**

The stink of fear was everywhere - but she’d seen the work being done on the town.  Someone cared, someone with power.  Were Wardens that feared?  It felt like the Gallows.  Sabah gave a mental shrug, long used to keeping her thoughts to herself.  She was here  _ for  _ a Warden, one of his own - or who had been, at one point.

Sabah looked around the room as the door closed behind her.  Food, a man bleeding out on the floor...and the other all but sparking in rage.  No hint of blue, of smoke, but the same feel.  Rage barely restrained.   _ Anders - anything to keep you from this.  To keep US from this.   _ Was this rage from Justice, or just being a Warden?  “Warden-Commander?”

The Warden took a moment to steady himself, exhaling a long breath. Then he flashed a smile at her, clearly manufactured for her convenience, as he gestured towards the vacant seat in front of him.  “Please, have a seat. How may I help you today, Serah…?” He trailed off, inquiring her name.

“Hawke.”  She stayed standing, though moved toward the chair and leaned against it.  She wasn’t going to delay any reaction she might need.   _ This is worse than Varric said.  No matter.   _ “I...need to speak to you about one of your Wardens.  He claims, former Warden.  He…”  She swallowed.  If Anders found out she did this, she had no idea how he would react.   “He is possessed.  Still mostly in control, but that control is slipping.  How do I free him?”

He gave her a blank stare for an excruciatingly long moment. “Anders then? The man to be executed on sight for desertion?... I see you mask your reaction. Anders it is, then… Oh, don't worry about that bit about the execution, I lied to gauge a reaction… but Hawke.. where have I heard that name before?” Another lie. Felix Amell had an eidetic memory, he knew exactly who she was now. What he did not know was why someone of her standing in Kirkwall would venture all the way to Amaranthine  _ just _ for a has-been Warden.

“If I said Lothering, would you believe me? It’s as true as a dozen other places.  Kirkwall, the latest.  Can you free a possessed Warden?”  She met his gaze.  “He’s done good things, and is one of yours.  Can you help?”

Felix nodded. Lothering. The infamous Hawke was a Fereldan refugee. All true so far. She didn’t seem to be lying. He was silent for an interval. “It  _ may  _ be possible. I have done something similar before. But it may not work. Regardless, you have given me no actual reason to help a deserter. And no,  _ He’s done good things _ is not an argument that will sway me, as you might already have guessed. We have all  _ done good things _ in the Wardens.” Behind his faked calm, Felix's mind was racing. Despite the posing, Anders was a friend. But he could see no possible way to split the spirit from the man. Yet. Regardless, how much time could he truly spend on this venture. Morrigan was no closer than before, and Felix's patience was a frayed rope, ready to snap.  _ But,  _ Felix’s ability to manipulate spirits had diminished as the Blight had grown stronger in his blood. If Justice could be used for his own purpose of tracking down his love… A thought for another time. An assessment of the situation could only be made at Kirkwall. He waited for Hawke to present her argument.

“Then what is your price?”  Her voice was as calm as she could make it, despite the recklessness of what she asked.   _ What more did she have to pay?  Did it matter?  Anders was all she had left. _  “Name it, and I’ll tell you if I can meet it.”

Felix licked his upper lip, perhaps savoring the taste of the meat he had earlier, but that was unlikely. “What a question… my price is Anders. Or more accurately, the spirit. It is merely a temporary arrangement. But is that a price you are willing to pay?” He stared at her, eyes flashing. “After all, you hardly went to all this trouble because he has  _ done good things.. _ ”

She gripped the chair tighter, unable to keep her hands from trembling.  “The spirit is yours, Warden-Commander.  So long as you take it from Kirkwall.  But Anders...he is his own man.”  He would be again, if this worked.  He may no longer need her, but would be free.  Would be himself.  That was worth it, she told herself.  “He decides where he goes.”  She closed her eyes, then met his again.  “After all, if you just want the spirit, and it’s the price paid for freeing Anders, then we both get what we’re looking for.”

Felix reclined in his chair like a satisfied cat. He was making no attempt to suppress the bloodlust pouring off his body now. “That may be so, but Anders took the spirit within himself for a greater cause. Are you absolutely sure he would be willing to part with it now? One woman over all the mages in the South? Because remember this… no matter what the outcome when I reach Kirkwall, I will  _ not _ leave empty handed. As for Anders being his own man... “ He smiled at her. It did not hold any comfort. It was cold. “.. I am a  _ very _ convincing man.”

Here, in this place that felt like the Gallows, looking at a man who reminded her alternately of her lover’s rages and the Knight-Commander in her madness, Sabah felt a tear on her cheek as she quietly said the truth.  “A greater cause?  Perhaps.  He said friendship.  Either way, I know I’m not that cause.  Anders will do what he chooses, and not look back.”


	3. Chapter 3

The boat back to Kirkwall was a long journey. Felix reclined in his seat adjacent to Hawke's. How long had it been since he had seen both Anders and Justice? He was well aware that they would be warped beyond recognition, according to Hawke's story. “So, tell me more about..” he tasted the words  _ my friend _ rolling on his tongue, before swallowing them back. “..Anders.” How far was he gone? If the woman in front of him, strength still showing through the brittle tension, were any indication, things had gone very bad indeed. He twirled the rosewood ring on his finger once more, reminding himself of the necessity of his original objective.

Sabah shook her head, feeling her body tighten as she saw the first of the statues in the distance.  “No.  You’ve kept asking, but you should see for yourself.  I don’t know what he was, not entirely, and I’ve told you what I can.  You can see when Justice comes to the fore.  It can still be reasoned with, but it’s growing harder.”  She paused.  “This is my city now...please, follow my lead.”

**

She led them through Darktown, slowing as she neared the clinic.  The blue lantern was out - good, he/they were still willing and able to heal, at least some of the time.  She ignored the tension in her back with the ease of long practice, and went to open the lower door to the Estate.  “This way.”

Up on the main level, Bodhan jumped.  “Mistress Hawke!  We didn’t know you’d be back.  You have a visi…” his voice trailed off as he looked at the figure behind her.

“Hello Bodahn. What a coincidence to be seeing you here.” Felix flashed dagger-like teeth at the dwarf.

“The boat just got in - I swung through Darktown on the way.”  She tried to keep her voice normal, dug in her belt.  “Here.  Why don’t you and the staff take a vacation.  A week or so, say.”  Lighten her tone.  “You haven’t had one in a while, it will do you all good.  Just ask the cook to order things for delivery that I can manage in the kitchen.”  Sabah walked over to the writing desk, grabbed a pen and started scribbling a quick note.  She turned and handed it to Bodhan.  “There you go.  Anything I need before you collect everyone and head out?  No?  Didn’t think so.”  She gave a brief, bright smile.  “Have fun.”

Once he was out the door, Bodhan looked at the note.

_ ‘Varric _

_ I’m back - he came with.  Keep everyone else away.’ _

The old dwarf sighed.  “Oh, Mistress Hawke...what have you gotten into this time?”


	4. Chapter 4

Kirkwall held nothing but bad memories for Felix. A baron, reduced to ashes by the first eruption of his magic, his mother cowering behind a corner, warding off the demon that was her son with a copy of the Chant of Light in hand, plate armor embossed with blazing sword-

Sometimes a perfect memory was a burdensome thing.

The sun had begun to set. Golden over the horizon. Golden like  _ her  _ eyes. He twirled the ring over his finger again.  _ Soon. _

Anders wasn’t at the clinic. The woman was now leading him to one of the headquarters of the underground mages. Another of his regular haunts.

Felix remembered the time when he had thought the mages worth fighting for. He had even fought with  _ her _ about it.  _ They are not weak. They deserve respect. They deserve to be saved. _

He had walked through the corridors of the Circle, slaying demon after abomination, as the corpses of his peers lay piled around him.  _ They are weak. They do not deserve you fighting for them. They, who would rather submit, than fight for their freedom till the last.  _ Every word pricked at his heart, now that he knew them to be true. His peers were weak. Not like him. Not like  _ her. _

“We’re nearly here.” His host’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. It was a dingily lit tavern. The door creaked open. There, in front of him. A blonde, hair tied behind him. A robe with feathered pauldrons. Anders. Or Justice.

He made out the voice, cracked with frustration.  “...and  _ you’re  _ somehow part of all of it, and we’ve lost another route for them, and…”  The dwarf caught sight of Hawke, and stiffened.  The blonde turned around, and focused on his companion, who smiled at him.

“Anders!  My love, I’ve been looking all over for you.” She kept her voice happy, light.  No signs of blue, that was good.

“Sabah!”  Relief, and anger, in his snapping voice as he paced over.  “What were you thinking?  Were you?  No word, and then you were gone for  _ weeks.” _  He grabbed her shoulders, looked down at her.  “Did that Fenris put you up to this?”

“No!  No...and I did leave word.  I left a note - even told Bodhan to let you know where it was.”  her voice dropped.  “Can we continue this at home, rather than make a public scene?”

His eyebrows rose.  “A scene?  You’re the one who left.  You’re the one who decided to hunt me down in public.”  Felix could see his fingers tighten on her shoulders, but then he shook his head.  “I was worried sick.  You can’t do that to me, Sabah.”  His mouth arrowed down on hers as he pulled her close.  “Let’s go home.”

“Yes Anders.” Felix stepped from the shadows, a smirk carved across his face. “Do let’s go home. Anders is still the name you answer to, correct?”

Faint lines of blue shimmered as he lifted his head, and the feel of the Fade intensified.  Sabah pressed herself forward.  “Anders!  No, love...not here, not now.  You’re safe, it’s ok.  He said he’d try to help.  I’m here, I’m back. I won’t leave again.”  She kept her voice low, under the background din of the Hanged Man.  The shimmers faded.  “Please, Anders?”

The man Felix once knew sighed and shook his head.  “Fine.  Let’s deal with this in private.”


	5. Chapter 5

Felix reclined in the 3 seater sofa at the Hawke estate, stretching his not inconsiderable body mass over the seat as if he owned the place. “Well, Anders, you didn’t answer my question. There’s no need to be hissing at me like that cat I gave to you all that time ago. I’m not here to… retrieve you. Just visiting an old friend, is all.”

Anders met his eyes.  “You never ‘just’ do anything, Commander.”  He was sitting in the overstuffed chair, Sabah watching silently from the background.  “Grant me that much sanity.  Yes, I’m still Anders.  Why are you here?”

Felix licked his chops. He had almost provoked a reaction from the spirit earlier. Let’s see how far he could push before Justice came out to play. “Hmm.. maybe I did have ulterior motives in coming here. His eyes flickered over to Sabah. “That’s quite the lady you’ve managed to score yourself… Infamous, to an extent, and certainly not hard on eyes.. Let’s just say I could not resist such a tempting invitation.”

Her eyes glittered hard, the steel he’d seen in Vigil’s Keep rising back to the surface.  But she stayed silent.  Interesting.

Anders scoffed.  “You’re not here for  _ her.” _  An odd duality now.  “You’re here for him, after all these years.  Why?  Did you change your mind about what was necessary, or decide you wanted me for yourself?”

Felix’s eyes sparkled. A basic ruse, but Anders had seen through it easily. Perhaps he was not very far gone yet. He inclined his head, acknowledging the statement. “I suppose there’s no point maintaining this ruse. Yes, I did come for him. But before I answer your question, you will answer mine.” He pointed at him. “What does being fused with that spirit mean to you? What exact purpose do you claim to champion these days? And how do you figure the spirit will help you on your pursuit of that purpose?”

“Justice for the mages, what else?  The very thing he had pushed at me before, that I didn’t have the strength or purpose to act on.”  Sabah came close behind him, and he reached up a hand to caress the fingers on his shoulder.  “A second chance, is what he gave me.  And clarity.”

Felix leaned forward. “Ah, a war between the oppressed and the oppressors, with you at the fore. And just to be clear, what kind of strength do you suppose you gain from this spirit? The ability to better do battle? Or the strength of character to keep on fighting  _ the good fight _ ?”

Anders cocked his head.  “Why do you care, Commander?  What are you looking for?”

Sabah shivered as the conversation continued.  Maybe...maybe she had been wrong.  Again.  This Commander was terrifying, but not as much as him/them sitting and bantering back and forth with the man.  She closed her eyes.   _ Whatever it takes.  He’s all I have left. _ But all she could do for now was watch.

Felix moved in even closer, a hint of amusement creeping into his voice. “I was just wondering… we both know your talents were nowhere close to mine at the Circle. But, say if I were to, reach across and snap your neck from this distance, would your spirit be able to prevent that from happening? Or say, if I turned your lover to a smear on the floor this instant, taking away the last of your emotional support, would you be able to keep championing your cause, or would you be left rudderless in the storm?” The end of the sentence was accentuated with a hiss, like steel scraping against steel. “Which strength is it that your spirit affords you, Anders? Answer me.”

“Love, or what must be done?”  A harsh, hollow laugh.  “You ask me this, who made me a Warden, who convinced us both this was what we needed to make things right?”  The voice turned hollow again, and this time there was a hint of the shimmer Felix had been waiting for.  “Nothing matters as much as the injustice that must be righted.  Must be corrected.”

A tear glittered on Sabah’s cheek, but still she said nothing.  It was no more or less than she had told Felix in his Keep.

Felix leaned back against the sofa, subdued. “You’re right. I used to think the same way. Our lives mean nothing in the service of the greater good. There were seven wardens involved in the final battle at Denerim. But I was the only one who accepted the mantle of Warden Commander. Even if I had sworn I would find  _ her. _ I put my duty above her.”

He sighed. “Did you know she was with child? My child. There is no sensation of pain that takes a greater toll on the human body, not even the most grievous of battle wounds. And yet I could not be there for her. Hold her hand as she went through a pain that would have incapacitated someone like me several times over.” He sighed, moisture shimmering in his eyes. He quickly blinked it away. “I could not be there to hear the first wails of the child we made. I don’t even know if the child survived! If she survived! All because of my blighted duty!”

He twirled the rosewood ring on his finger until it abraded the blisters on his skin, and the ring was quickly slicked with blood. “The masses fell at my feet to revere me. The people who I had saved. I couldn't care less about those people! What are they to me? The more I looked at them, the more they reminded me of what I had given up. They disgusted me… And now you disgust me. Because when I look at you, I see only a mirror. I came because your lover petitioned me, even knowing who I was. But was that in vain? Do you even want to be whole again? Free from this… _ thing _ .. you have taken upon yourself? I do not require an answer right now. I’ll be at the inn. The very sight of you is making my stomach turn. Discuss it with your lover, and get back to me.” Felix rose and strode out of the estate.

**

He stood up and started pacing once the door closed, then glared at her.  “What in Andraste’s name is wrong with you?  You leave for weeks - with no word - just so you can bring  _ Felix Amell to Kirkwall?” _

“I...I thought he could help.  Could free you both.  He’s a mage, and a Warden, and knew you when you were separate.  You never told me he’s the one who pushed the merge in the first place!”  She stayed by the chair, watching him magnificent in his passion...if only she could tell which way it would go.

“You.  You decided to make this choice for me.  Without asking, without talking to me.”

“No!  No, I would never do that.  It was a chance to see if you had a choice.  He said he didn’t know.”  She reached out a hand, touched his face.  Looked into aquamarine eyes that could still drag her under.  “Anders, love, if it’s destroying you both, is it worth it?  You’re strong enough without Justice.”

“But can I trust you to stay?”  His voice cut.

Tears ran down her face.  Again.  “I just promised you I would.  I didn’t know it would bother you so much.”

His eyes changed, he pulled her in closer.  “Sabah, Sabah, I’m sorry.  I just...you’re everything to me.  Seeing you do something so foolhardy...you should stay here.  I need you.”

She bent under his words, his hands, his mouth.  She always did.  “Of course I will, love.”  And knew that she would only hear his decision later.  She knew.  The mages came first.  He would choose duty - Justice over love, if it came to that.  She wondered if she’d have the strength any longer to do the same.


	6. Chapter 6

Varric watched from another table as Blondie sat next to the freakshow.  He could tell barking mad when he saw it.

“Can you even do it?”  Anders’ voice was curious.  “And why did you come?  I had no idea about Morrigan...you never spoke of her.”

Felix chuckled. “You should know better than to ask me that. After all, there is nothing Felix Amell cannot do.” The signature arrogance was back to his voice as he pulled out a glass vial containing something bright blue. An double fused ring of pure lyrium.

“Raw lyrium. The only thing that a spirit can feel of the material world. An anchor, if you will. All other aspects of the spirit are mental. That was the plan. A side of the ring attached to your finger, and the opposite side attached to a corpse. I would then use blood magic to stimulate and replicate your brain’s activity in the corpse. Justice would spread over the two versions of ‘you’. I would then remove the ring from you. It would anchor Justice to the corpse, creating a revenant, a state in which he existed before. Then I would take him with me. But you don’t want that.”

The look on his face was confirmation enough.

“My purpose was to use the spirit to track Morrigan. It is true I didn’t speak much of her.” He sighed. “How do you describe someone like that. I could say her locks were raven, without conveying the way they made me lose myself in them. I could say her eyes were golden, without expressing that they were brighter than the sun to me, I could tell you she wore the most tattered purple robes but how could I explain the way she carried them off with more grace than the finest gown of a princess with the deepest coffers in her kingdom.” Felix ran a hand through his hair. “Do you even understand what that means, Anders? Or are you so enamoured by the idea of possessing something that you cannot even see past that, look at what your lover truly is? She who did not back down in the face of Felix Amell, but yet bends to your every whim, not because she fears you, but loves you. She who would go so far for you, but you throw her efforts back in her face.” He rose to his feet. “You do not deserve someone like her. You, who will never treasure her at her true worth, you who would rather fight a bunch of cowards’ battles in their stead. You  _ will  _ hurt her, and when that day comes, pray you are a casualty in the war you created, for if not, I will show you there are fates worse than death or even tranquility.”

“Well, then.  I guess that answers that.”  The Abomination who had once been a friend simply got up and left.

_ That’s enough.   _ Worst thing is, Barker was seeing more clearly than Blondie.  The dwarf sighed But...maybe she could break herself free if Justice kept disintegrating.  It was Anders who was crushing her, and all he could do was watch.

Varric got up and sat down.  Barker didn’t seem pleased.  “I overheard you’re looking for someone.  I’m good at finding things.  I think I’ve heard that description, and just want one little thing.  Promise me you won’t come back.”

“I assure you, my pungent little friend, if I had to spend another hour in this squalor, I would reduce it to rubble.”

Back on the boat, Felix Amell pondered over what he had learned. The Korcari wilds. His thoughts turned back to that doomed woman who had sought help from him. He could still help. He could shatter every bone in Anders’ body, and forcibly subject him to the ritual. But would she even want something like that? He closed his eyes, deep in thought.

_ Her laugh in his mind. A harsh tone, contrary to her appearance, but still the most entrancing siren’s call to him. Setting his blood on fire. _

He opened his eyes. He looked to the glowing sun which reminded him so much of her eyes. He did not care about anything else anymore. Sabah Hawke was forgotten. Anders was forgotten. Kirkwall was forgotten. He roared at the sun, a cry of elation and hope and desperation all at once. 

_ I am coming. _


End file.
